Max Rage_Intergalactic Badass! by Jake Bible

Author:Jake Bible [Bible, Jake]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Severed Press
Published: 2018-06-16T22:00:00+00:00

Twenty-Two

Atrium 828 was a hustling, bustling, center of frantic energy and sensory overload. Specifically, the olfactory sense.

“Oh, no,” Mosh said as he shoved a metal-skinned hand against his metal-skinned nose. “What is that smell?”

“Everything,” Rage said. “Poisons, potions, liquors, and lotions. That’s Atrium 828. See those vendors there? Keep away. They’ll spray you down with that Nargarian cologne and you’ll lose all sense of time. Those women there. The ones that look like slabs of brick. Do not drink the sample shots they offer. Kessd vodka. It’ll strip your insides of all flesh and rot you from the insides out before you take more than three steps.”

“What about them?” Fig asked, nodding at a group of incredibly beautiful human women that were obviously enhanced in the chest area. They stood in a smiling line, half-shirts tight, short shorts even tighter, and arms outstretched. “They look friendly. They have a sign that says ‘Free Hugs.’”

“That’s not a they,” Rage said. “That’s an it. The free hugs are a lie. You go in for the free hug and you’re caught. That’s a lure made to look like hot chicks. It’s really an open fist that will hold onto you until you buy the Bascols’ home-brewed mead. Fucking Bascols make horrible mead and can only sell it by trapping customers.”

“Oh,” Fig said.

“And stop making eye contact,” Rage snapped. “Come on. We move. We keep moving. We do not stop to talk or sample any of the…” Rage looked at his team and frowned. “Where’s Tin Man?”

“He left before you got to the Nargarian cologne part of your little speech,” Watchdog said. “Excellent leadership there, Rage.”

“Goddamnit,” Rage growled, searching the crowded atrium for their teammate. “He’s a dead man if he gets sucked into the wrong stall.”

“Not literally sucked in, right?” Fig asked. “There aren’t stalls that eat you, are there?”

“Yeah. There are,” Rage said. “Hopefully, his metal skin will make him taste bad if he gets sucked in.”

Rage moved out and began to navigate the chaotic throngs of humans, humanoids, and aliens that filled the atrium.

There were more species and races than Rage recognized. He knew the Jipsus, a frond-like race that undulated their wispy limbs in order to communicate. No one had cracked their language, but they were friendly enough.

One of the Jipsus wrapped around a small, dog-like creature and devoured it in a single bite. Rage winced. Jipsus were friendly enough unless they were hungry.

The team took a quick detour around a group of dull orange teenage humanoids that were giggling and pointing at a pair of naked humanoid men that were hung well and busy sipping tropical-looking cocktails that were in glasses almost as tall as they were. With every sip of the drinks, the two men’s penises inflated then deflated. Over and over again.

“Could have gone my entire existence without seeing that,” Watchdog said.

“You and me both, Bolt Butt,” Rage said. “Fig? Any sign of Tin Man?”

“What? Huh?” Fig asked. “Oh. Yes. I am surveillance. I should be scanning for him.

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